Just for Parents
Parents, here is a special page just for you! Share your questions or thoughts about any child-related issue at home or school and we can begin a conversation.
If you’d like to talk to me privately, send me an email and I’ll get back to you.
Hello, Tracie
Nice to hear from a parent in memphis City Schools. I had the wonderful opportunity to present to Memphis School Leaders at an institute there in June.
As for your question about your five-year-old son, my experience is that interest in fighting and weapons is irrepressible in most boys. They pick this stuff up from peers, older siblings, and, yes, the video game may have triggered his interest and probably his concern. Kids play out violence in order to gain some control over their fears of the real war or real violence they might see on TV. Obviously, the less they are exposed the better, but it’s inevitable that they will be influenced and need to have an outlet for their concerns in play and drawing. So long as play does not turn to real violence or aggression that could lead to bullying or being bullied, I wouldn’t worry a lot, but do provide an avenue for your son to talk about his fears, as I’m sure you do. There are lots of good books on this subject if you google it.
Chip,
My 5 year old son has become some what fixated on fighting. He is not acting out physically, however all week in school he has been writing about battles, wars and people fighting in general. There is not any fighting, yelling or screaming in our home, he does play a video game that is the sports version of sword fighting. Should i be concerned or is this normal boy behavior?
Also his school is starting the Responsive Classroom approach and I am very excited. We are in a Memphis, TN city school and it is wonderful to see them taking my sons education seriously.
Lori – My six year old granddaughter also wants to work for money. We haven’t started yet, except for an occassional dollar after a particularly helpful clean up that comes as a surprise (the dollar that is). Now that she is asking, I need to be vigilant about providing an occasional job with a small monetary reward, but I do not think she is developmentally ready nor needs a regular allowance quite yet. I’ll be interested to see how persistent she becomes if she has more occassional chores with monetary rewards.
As for donating to charity…the concept of giving some of the money you earn for that purpose is pretty abstract at 6. See how she does with giving away old toys to charity first. That is quite concrete and often children struggle with this even when it’s a toy they haven’t played with for a couple of years. Helping out at a community meal or car wash is also a way of donating labor that 6 year olds can get and love doing with their parents for a good cause. Chip
My 6 year old daughter asked me about getting an allowance. I have heard sooo many conflicting opinions about whether children should get an allowance or not. One friend told me that she gives her daughter an allowance for chores around the house and then the child has a certain amount to spend, save and some to donate to an agreed upon charity. I am not sure how I feel about money for chores but I do like the message that saving, and donating provide. I would love to here some feedback..
Melanie – First of all I am concerned by the fact that your son’s kindergarten teacher “approached” you to tell you these concerns rather than asking to have a conference with you and sitting down and explaining just what is going on in the classroom for your son. Behavior such as this is never just a one way street. It may involve attention seeking behavior that needs to be redirected, it may involve what is called “other directing” behavior which is a natural part of children’s play in kindergarten, it may involve overly assertive or aggresive behavior that your son needs some help with through modeling or role playing.
You also mention you are worried about how his behaviors are being handled, but do not talk about this. If you would like to discuss this directly, contact yardsticks@comcast.net.
My six-year old son’s kindergarten teacher approached me today after school to tell me that my son has been displaying increasingly rude and inappropriate behavior towards both other children and adults (the teachers) at school. The behaviors include correcting other children when they make mistakes, proclaiming that he is better at something than others, and speaking in a tone of voice that the teachers find inappropriate. I was told that his behaviors are “not the kind of behavior we like to see from students at (our school)”. While these behaviors may not be desirable, I thought they were normal for a six year old. I am also worried about the way the teachers are handling his behavior in the classroom. Does anyone have advice on how I should approach this with both my son and (separately) with his teachers?