Comments & Questions Just for Parents
Parents, on the blog’s home page, I’ve just posted the latest entry in my “Seasons of the Shcool Year” series. It’s called ”December—Learning to Trust,” and it includes some thoughts about the people who are most important in a helping a child with that learning—you! Have a look. And please share your thoughts or questions.
Diane – There are a number of questions I would need to ask you to give you particular advice for your child. Feel free to email me at yardsticks@comcast.net – Chip
Chip,
I am a mother of a bright, talented almost 14 year old boy who I love dearly. One week he can produce extremely good grades and be working to his true potential. The next week he can be missing assignments and falling short in his grades. I try not to be the hoovering mom and have been encouraging him to be repsonsible for his school work. How can I encourage him to produce his best all the time and be more responsible.
Thank you!
Diane
Beth – It would be good to be able to offer the charts from the chapter on four-year-olds and five-year-olds. A good way to do this is to use the Child Development Charts that are based on the charts in Yardsticks; they’re available in both English and Spanish. As you know, the charts are structured to show children’s capabilities in different areas of development. You might talk to your parents about how there will be a range of behavior between 3-5 years of age in preK and that this is normal.
You might have the parents compare and contrast the difference they can expect to see as the year progresses. Perhaps one group could make a four-year-old chart and another a five-year-old chart for cognitive growth and social growth and then put them up and compare.
If you do the birthday excerside in the Yardsticks appendix before the parent night, you will be able to give parents an idea of where the majority of your students fall in the developmental range based on chronological age and how you will be organizing your schedule, length of activity, room arrangement, etc., based on this and changing it as the children change over the year. Remember to tell them that chronological age does not predict developmental levels, some kids being less advanced and some more advanced in their development in different areas.
Be sure to tell your parents that PreK is definitely an age of exploration and that you will help their children learn lots of wonderful ways to explore learning about reading, writing, math and science, and getting along with their classmates in age-appropriate ways.
If you need more help you can email me at yardsticks@comcast.net
Chip
Chip: I am in the process of organizing a “Yardsticks” Parent Night at our PreK-school building. I would appreciate any tips you could share with me on the best way to set up this informative session for parents. I’m new at this position and clueless on where to start, but a wonderful idea my principal would like to see happen in three weeks! thank you
Dear Kory – Ah, yes, the dilemma of being a teacher and a parent and what to say to your child’s teacher … This will resonate with many reading your question I am sure. You may have an opportunity to raise some general questions at Open House when you visit the classroom with other parents. I would want to ask, “Can you tell me some ways that children have to show personal responsibility in third grade?” or “What are some of the choices children can make in terms of their academic assignments?” or “Can you tell me more about the marble jars and their purpose”. Gaining perspective about the teacher’s thinking before you later have a one-on-one parent-teacher conference will give you insight into approaching the teacher regarding your child and your desire for her to learn self-regulation and good decision making skills by being given choices.
In my daughter’s third grade classroom, 14 students in a private school setting, her teacher seems to be “micromanaging” their behavior. I am concerned with this approach but have not yet said anything because my daughter, so far, thinks it is great. They can only use the restroom 6 times/day and then use a “pass”, have marbles in jars, names in boxes, sticks to be pulled… there is so much I don’t know how the teacher has time to keep up with it all. My question is, do you think it is worth inquiring about since it is not an issue with my child? I want to hand her teacher the yardsticks book along with responsive classroom, but don’t want to be “that parent”, and yes- I am a teacher.
Thanks, Chip. My friend’s child does indeed lack playmates, so that may have a lot to do with why he’s not self-correcting his speech. I know they’ll appreciate your insights. I’ve encouraged them to write their own questions here on the blog–or to take advantage of your willingness to email with parents privately.
Elizabeth – Because the child is four years old, alot depends on whether or not he is in a preschool setting and what the speech patterns are like that he is hearing from other children and adults. If he is in a formal preschool setting, then it might help to ask the Speech & Language teacher to do an informal observation (or formal) and see what s/he has to say. If he has not had any formal preschool and does not have alot of playmates, it may take longer for these patterns to change. If the parents are anxious, it would help them to meet with a Speech and Language Teacher to learn about normative speech patterns. At four, I know that these “mistakes” are not uncommon.
Chip, I have a friend who asked me a question about correcting her young child’s speech. He’ll be five in October, and she and his dad had decided not to correct his ungrammatical speech (things like “Her is cute”), figuring he’d correct himself naturally as he talked with, read with, and listened to them. But they’re concerned because he’s not correcting himself. What do you think is the best way to handle a young child’s speech errors?
Dear Jennifer – This is a difficult situation for the children and parents in the class as well as for the school. It sounds like the school is taking action. In the meantime it’s important for your son to know he has done the right thing by telling you about how the teacher is making him feel. At the same time he may feel guilty about what he did to make the teacher react this way. While he may not have done anything at all, these feelings may still be there and he, hopefully, can talk about them with you. You can tell him it is normal for children to feel this way in a situation like this because the grown-ups are the ones who are supposed to know how to act with children and help them to be good students. When a teacher breaks this sacred trust it produces much doubt in children. Help him focus on other teachers who he trusts and to think of ways he might help a new teacher build trust with his class (once he knows this is actually going to happen). Please feel free to email me if you wish to talk further. yardsticks@comcast.net
I have an 8 year old boy whom is coming home saying his teacher hates him and all the other students. We have discussed this with the principal and know that our son is sensitive to critical, harsh people and I must say, I have witnessed this. Is there anything I can do for him to help him not carry all the harsh , critical words that are spoken by the teacher durring the day, until he is moved.
Hello, Tracie
Nice to hear from a parent in memphis City Schools. I had the wonderful opportunity to present to Memphis School Leaders at an institute there in June.
As for your question about your five-year-old son, my experience is that interest in fighting and weapons is irrepressible in most boys. They pick this stuff up from peers, older siblings, and, yes, the video game may have triggered his interest and probably his concern. Kids play out violence in order to gain some control over their fears of the real war or real violence they might see on TV. Obviously, the less they are exposed the better, but it’s inevitable that they will be influenced and need to have an outlet for their concerns in play and drawing. So long as play does not turn to real violence or aggression that could lead to bullying or being bullied, I wouldn’t worry a lot, but do provide an avenue for your son to talk about his fears, as I’m sure you do. There are lots of good books on this subject if you google it.
Chip,
My 5 year old son has become some what fixated on fighting. He is not acting out physically, however all week in school he has been writing about battles, wars and people fighting in general. There is not any fighting, yelling or screaming in our home, he does play a video game that is the sports version of sword fighting. Should i be concerned or is this normal boy behavior?
Also his school is starting the Responsive Classroom approach and I am very excited. We are in a Memphis, TN city school and it is wonderful to see them taking my sons education seriously.
Lori – My six year old granddaughter also wants to work for money. We haven’t started yet, except for an occassional dollar after a particularly helpful clean up that comes as a surprise (the dollar that is). Now that she is asking, I need to be vigilant about providing an occasional job with a small monetary reward, but I do not think she is developmentally ready nor needs a regular allowance quite yet. I’ll be interested to see how persistent she becomes if she has more occassional chores with monetary rewards.
As for donating to charity…the concept of giving some of the money you earn for that purpose is pretty abstract at 6. See how she does with giving away old toys to charity first. That is quite concrete and often children struggle with this even when it’s a toy they haven’t played with for a couple of years. Helping out at a community meal or car wash is also a way of donating labor that 6 year olds can get and love doing with their parents for a good cause. Chip
My 6 year old daughter asked me about getting an allowance. I have heard sooo many conflicting opinions about whether children should get an allowance or not. One friend told me that she gives her daughter an allowance for chores around the house and then the child has a certain amount to spend, save and some to donate to an agreed upon charity. I am not sure how I feel about money for chores but I do like the message that saving, and donating provide. I would love to here some feedback..
Melanie – First of all I am concerned by the fact that your son’s kindergarten teacher “approached” you to tell you these concerns rather than asking to have a conference with you and sitting down and explaining just what is going on in the classroom for your son. Behavior such as this is never just a one way street. It may involve attention seeking behavior that needs to be redirected, it may involve what is called “other directing” behavior which is a natural part of children’s play in kindergarten, it may involve overly assertive or aggresive behavior that your son needs some help with through modeling or role playing.
You also mention you are worried about how his behaviors are being handled, but do not talk about this. If you would like to discuss this directly, contact yardsticks@comcast.net.
My six-year old son’s kindergarten teacher approached me today after school to tell me that my son has been displaying increasingly rude and inappropriate behavior towards both other children and adults (the teachers) at school. The behaviors include correcting other children when they make mistakes, proclaiming that he is better at something than others, and speaking in a tone of voice that the teachers find inappropriate. I was told that his behaviors are “not the kind of behavior we like to see from students at (our school)”. While these behaviors may not be desirable, I thought they were normal for a six year old. I am also worried about the way the teachers are handling his behavior in the classroom. Does anyone have advice on how I should approach this with both my son and (separately) with his teachers?