General Comments & Questions
Want to ask me a question or make a general comment? Here’s the place to do it! If you need privacy, email me and I’ll get back to you.
Resources
Responsive
School
Discipline:
Essentials for
Elementary
School Leaders
by Chip Wood and
Babs Freeman-Loftis
School
Discipline:
Essentials for
Elementary
School Leaders
by Chip Wood and
Babs Freeman-Loftis
Jeanne – Congratulations on retiring and plunging right back in to sub! Here is Margaret Wilson’s advice on the subject. Also check out the new grade level books on the RC website and the Newsletter “Guest Teacher Handbook” article. You may want to pass on these resources to the principals in schools where you are going to be a GUEST TEACHER (see if you can get them to change the title from Substitute to Guest). Best wishes, Chip
Every Teacher Tips: Success for Substitutes
by Margaret Berry Wilson on July 26, 2010
Just about every teacher needs to be away from the classroom at some point during the year. Whether you’re away for a half day, a day, or several days, you’ll want to make sure that the time goes smoothly for your students and for the substitute or “guest teacher. ” Some things to think about:
Schedules. It may be tempting to plan something different to make the day with the substitute feel more special. But in your absence, “different” or “special” may feel uncomfortable to your students, with the end result that the day will actually go less smoothly than if you’d stuck with your typical schedule.
Routines. Be specific in your lesson plans about any special routines or traditions the class has. For instance, if you typically begin math with a warm-up activity, choose an easy one for the substitute, but do not have her skip it.
Other ways to help things go smoothly:
•Choose several students the substitute can ask about the schedule and routines (rotate this role among students over the course of the year).
•Discuss ways the class ways can take care of each other and the substitute while you’re out (for example, do what the substitute says even if it’s different from what you would do, treat the substitute teacher with the same respect with which they treat you and each other, remind anxious classmates that you will be back soon, etc.) Write these ideas on chart paper and leave them for the substitute to review with the class.
•Model and practice being with a substitute. For example, have a colleague, pretending to be the substitute, act out doing activities in the wrong order. Model how to respectfully let the substitute know the correct order.
Hi Chip!
I took early retirement after teaching first grade for 18 years. I want to thank you and others for all the help you have given me through the Responsive Classroom Books. I have started subbing now, and it’s a whole new ballgame! I try to use the language I have learned from the Power of our Words, and incorporate a Mini Morning Meeting, but I still need help with managing behavior for a day. Any ideas for substitute teachers?
Jeanne
Erin – “The Seasons of the School Year” posts are unfolding as the year progresses. The titles for each can be found on the first post for the Seasons of the School Year. If you follow the blog through next July you will have collected all of the seasonal essays. Thanks for your interest and encouragement. Chip
Hi Chip-
I am wondering if you have every published the seasons of the school year all together. This would be wonderful PD for all members of the school community – especially to read and plan in advance of each month. I can’t wait to read about November and hope that it will be on the blog soon!
Wayne,
The most recent work I would look to is in brain research and mindfulness and what we are learning about the importance of reflection for learning. It’s not just the physical rest and relaxation that is needed, but the space of silence triggers reflective processes that trigger a deeper storage of memory and recharge the brain for new learning. See especially: Daniel Siegel THE MINDFUL BRAIN: REFLECTION AND ATTUNEMENT IN THE CULTIVATION OF WELL BEING W.W. Norton. New York.2007.
Kathy – I am asked about this alot and the simple answer is no, there is no such book that I am aware of in this regard. I draw on all the work of Erikson in the field of adolesence and his basic stage work to look at high school needs. Educators for Social Responsibility has a good advisory book for this level and the work of Facing History and Ourselves is also primarily aimed at high school and they know their stuff. let me know if you find anything else. best, Chip
Hi Chip,
I am an elementary school principal in Virginia. I have included Quiet Time in my master schedule, but this will be a new concept for my teachers. Do you have any research articles that were used by the NEFC to build the case for including this into daily classroom schedules? I want to be able to articulate the importance of the recess-lunch-quiet time sequence to my school community. Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
P.S. I am currently reading the book you co-authored with Babs. I plan to share it with my colleagues.
Do you know if there is something similar to Yardsticks for the high school age group? I’ve used and recommended Yardsticks for years, but am now working with the older kids. I realize that some things are more diverse, but even after only a couple of years with this group, I know that there are still the similiariities and such, and I’d like to find such a reference for my teachers that I mentor.
Dear Judy – For information about desk copies and purchase price, please contact NEFC Publications Department at 1-800-360-6332. Thank you for your interest. Chip
Hi chip,
I teach at a private college in MN and we would like to use your book as required reading in one of our classes. Can you direct me to who I could call and talk to about price, teacher exam copies, etc. Thank you so much. Judy 218-525-0630
Anna – Thanks for your thoughtful question. We are completing our first year with the NWEA MAPS testing, which we found much better than other benchmark computer testing than we had used in the past. We tested using the standard MAPS tests in grades 3-10 and did pilot testing with the primary version in grade 2 only. Teachers reported mixed feelings about appropriateness and about usefulness vs classroom formative assessments in grade 2. The test is designed to “level” as children move through it, that is to ask easier questions as kids make mistakes not harder ones, so that is better for students who do so worry about getting things right. As for Kindergarten (and 1st grade) testing with this instrument, I would agree that teachers who make good use of DRA and unit testing in math will have plenty of data for their children. Any district thaat does intend to use a computerized test in K should make sure it can level the playing field for all children in terms of computer skills before puting a test on the screen.
Chip
Hello Chip,
I am a Kindergarten teacher. I love your book Yardsticks so much! I wondered about your perspective on the developmental appropriateness of administering adaptive, computer-based assessments, such as the MAP test (www.nwea.org) to 5 and 6 year olds. This is something that my school has recently doing, and plans to implement throughout the entire school, K-8.
I wondered if you had any experience or opinion about this. My personal instinct is that it is inappropriate for Kindergarteners. Even the kids who have lots of computer experience, do not (hopefully!) have lots of experience with formal “assessments.” Maybe this is why I found that the results that the MAP test gave did not always line up with what I know about my students’ abilities from more informal, one-on-one assessments I give them in class from programs such as Fountas and Pinnell. In addition, I found that many of my students’ expressed a negative emotional experience with the test. Especially the kids with a higher level of skills – since the test was adaptive, it kept asking them harder and harder questions, which meant that they ended up getting asked things they had no knowledge of, and also that their test took way longer, which made some of them very uncomfortable!
I have tried to do some internet research on this question but have not come up with much… My instinct is that this is something that would be appropriate to start in about second grade, but maybe there are arguments for the developmental appropriateness of administering something like this to 5 and 6 year olds. I wondered if you had an opinion?
Thanks for considering!
Anna
MTM – Glad to converse with your students. Email me at yardsticks@comcast.net. We could set up a call on speaker phone or maybe Skype. Chip
I teach a graduate online class through a university here in the U.S.. I love your book, ” Yardsticks” (3rd edition) so much that I have used it as one of my required readings for online discussion. This class is offered 3 times a year and serves students across the U.S. plus some students who are in military bases abroad.
I found that my students also love reading your book!
My question for you is whether you would have time to answer some specific questions from my graduate students who are all (except a handful who are full time students) practicing teachers. It would be an honor to hear from you.
I know it would mean so much to my graduate students if we could communicate with you, the author of the book that we are discussing. -MTM
Hello, Sarah,
Of course I don’t know your son, but from a developmental perspective the behavior that you describe is more typical of children at nine, when they tend to be worried and anxious. Check out the nine year old chapter in Yardsticks. It may be that your son is still struggling with some of these issues and is somewhat”younger” in the social-emotional realm, if he is one of the younger members of his class. If he is one of the older members of his class it may be he is starting to exhibit the oppositional behavior of eleven. (Read that chapter too.) This may help you as you read ahead about adolescence as well. Chip
Though not teaching as a teacher in a classroom right now, I am the mother of 4 and therefore ALWAYS “teaching.” I have read ‘Yardsticks’ and I am still amazed at how my children fit into the characterisitics at each age-level as though written specifically about them when I am having a “scratch-my-head” moment.
Here is my problem… my oldest, a boy, is 10 years old and in the fifth grade. I did not read anywhere in your blog post about self-esteem at this level. Is it “developmentally appropriate” for him to have such self-doubt/negative attitude or am I looking at an entirely different issue?
Thank you- Sarah Woodard
Dear Rose,
I am not aware of any research about the efficacy of when to introduce letter grades. Given the configuration of your system it would seem to make more sense to introduce them in 5th grade when the children make a transition. This would be the least confusing for parents, for sure. That said, it is also true that many systems are introducing Standards-based Report Cards where student achievement is evaluated against a sacle, i.e. 1=exceeds state stanards, 2=meeting state standards, 3=approaching state standards, 4=below state standards, etc. In this approach letter grades are sometimes used in tandem to report on Performance/effort in the classroom. So a child might get any combination of numerical and letter grades depending on their actual measurable achievement along with their diligence, participation, and work completion, etc. Hope this helps. I do not see this as a developmental issue for children, but it certainly is for parents, who mostly still tend to see report cards the way they received them… A= excellent, etc. Hope this helps some, Chip
Hello Chip,
Our Responsive Classroom school is currently doing some research on fine turning when the most appropriate time is to introduce letter grades. The system we are currently using is developing through secure up to grade 3 and then grade 4 changes over to letter grades. What do you think is the most appropriate time to change over to letter grades? Is there research to support a delay in giving letter grades?
Our lower school encompasses pre-k through 4, middle village is 5 through 8 and upper school is 9 -12. Many thanks for all of your help.
Dear Nizen – Thanks for your thoughtful question and concerns. I talked with my colleague, Dr. Christine Jutres, an early childhood director, about these issues. Both of us agrred that children are going to exhibit the kind of “bossy” or “exclusionary” behavior that you are questioning. The issue is how do the teachers respond to it and help the children to try out different language and behavior? This is how young children learn, from the modeling and examples offered by their teachers. However, we also know that children are learning as much, if not more from the behavior of their peers. From Vygotsky, Dr. Jutres reminds us, “we learn that that children’s behaviors at this age are about the ability to self-regulate. Often they regulate each other’s behaviors before their own. This is called ‘other regulation’.” Thus, if the child does something hurtful or otherwise negative, it is because she acted without a “plan” and on impulse to other regulate or control the other child. It’s natural for children to boss each other around at this age, but we must redirect such behavior if it becomes a hurtful pattern. The community we build in our classrooms is the essential platform for learning. To follow this through, many classrooms are designed to facilitate opportunities for community building. For example, formal sharing meetings expect children to talk with one another and learn from one another in various pairs. The same is true with Buddy reading and other paired work.. In this way children begin to feel comfortable with one another and themselves.” Dr. Jutres also wondered if the classroom is set up in such a way that the expectations for being together collaboratively are clear enough?
You might want to reference a book, Tools of the Mind by Deborah Leong and Elaina Bedrova or google Tools of the Mind to learn more about self-regulation. Basically the job of classroom teachers at this age is to saffold children’s language into more socially productive action that enhance their play, makes it more inclusive and helps them feel significant in all their social interactions, even when they don’t get to be the boss or leader.
Chip Wood
What specifically are your expectations for language for 4-5 year olds regarding behavior and language? Do you have any articles or referral sources you would recommend?
We are hoping to have a productive conversation with our teachers and soon and are half-way through the year and still there are a propensity of the kind of hurtful comments below in our daughters classroom. How would you handle this?
Kids are not talking very kindly to one another about “taking turns” or respecting who can be in each area at any given time. The comments include: “Don’t follow us”, “You can’t be in here”, “No girls are allowed”, “Don’t talk to us”, “We want to be alone” (as distinct from one child saying they want their space or to be alone), etc. I am familiar with “You Can’t Say that You Can’t Play” by Vivien Paley and have mentioned it to the teachers, but I don’t believe they have read it.
Also, they sent out an article (http://extension.unh.edu/family/documents/ec345_social.pdf) that says kids will develop “best friends” at this age, which can be true, but also how do you address the “clicky” best friend duo in school in order to build more of a community of inclusion where we share friends at school, etc.?
The general mindset is that these are “teachable moments” which is true. The question I have is apart from those moments, how are you setting the tone and rules of engagement or guidelines in the classroom to try to minimize these types of comments to begin with? They see this behavior as age appropriate, normal behavior. I also believe that to a large degree kind and respectful ways of talking to each other can start to be taught and the skills inclusive language learned at this stage. Is that your experience?
Thanks so much for any of your thinking on this.
Thanks for asking, Theodore. I checked with the publishing group at NEFC (developers of the Responsive Classroom approach and publishers of my books). They said that although they don’t expect to have an e-book version of Yardsticks available really soon, they are looking into the possibility of distributing their books as e-books in the next year or so. They’d love to know what format would be most useful to their customers. If you’re willing to share that information, please contact Mary Beth Forton, publications director, at marybeth@responsiveclassroo.org.
Is there any chance Yardsticks will be coming in an ebook format anytime soon?
Dear BW – When faced with a dilemma like the one you are facing with your second graders, I think it is always a good idea to go back to the most basic of questions and to have a discussion with your principal and other teachers where you can review:
1. What are the school’s goals and expectations for second graders in math?
2. Are Rocket Math procedures producing the desired outcomes? What is being seen in other second grades or at other grade levels?
3. Are there ways to modify the program to make it more child friendly and to motivate children to reach the desired outcomes (for instance by dropping the timed nature of the test; by providing more partner activities during math; by letting children decide how many tests they want to take a week to try to reach a reasonable goal; etc, etc.)
So an essential question might be how to help all children feel successful with this curriculum, each making progress at the maximum rate possible for them individually.
Hope this will help you begin a reflection about how the program is impacting student learning and growth.
Hi Chip,
Our district has implemented Otter Creek’s Rocket Math Math Fact program (that’s a mouthful!). I am a second grade teacher and this is our third year of implementation. The program requires students to memorize their basic math facts by practicing at home and with a partner at school and to take a one minute timed test every day. Those who pass move up a level and those who don’t stay put (or eventually move down after 6 days of trying). I’m writing because Rocket Math is a drain on my Responsive Classroom community building efforts. Despite my best efforts to minimize its impact I still have students are so nervous they have to go to the nurse, and others who cry every time they don’t “pass.” What are your thoughts on how to approach rocket math? And do you feel that it is developmentally appropriate to time students on their math facts at this age?
Dear JZ – See my comment to Soo on October 4. The same suggestions would apply here. Thanks for asking and I’m glad you are finding the information helpful. Chip
Hi Chip,
I am an elementary school counselor. As part of professional development in creating a collaborative problem solving program here at my school, I was wondering if it would be okay to copy some of the charts in the book relating to the ages of students in the classroom to review with teachers at the different grade levels. I will not be copying the entire book or entire chapters, just select pages.
I think the information will be very helpful to our staff.
Thank you so much.
Sara at Fitchburg – Go to Research on the RC Blog. http://www.responsiveclassroom.org There you will see the research studies of Sara Rimm-Kaufman at the University of Virginia as well as earlier studies of Steve Elliott, then at Univ of Wisconsin. The summaries and data are there. Hope this helps, Chip
Hi Chip!
I am currently doing a research paper for Graduate School at Fitchburg State College and I am looking for some empirical evidence about the effectiveness of the Responsive Classroom and I am having a difficult time actually finding statistics on this. Do you have any suggestions?
Thank you,
Sara
Hello, Soo.
Thank you for writing. I’m glad you’ve found Yardsticks useful in your work with children. Northeast Foundation for Children (the publisher of my book) doesn’t permit material from the books they publish to be used on websites other than their own. You are, however, welcome to link directly from your website to this blog.
You could even direct your website readers to the “Positive Attributes” series I’ve done here on the blog. The posts there offer developmental information about children from ages four through twelve. Readers can click “Positive Attributes” in the “Categories” list in the far right column of any blog page. Another idea—you could let families know about the child development pamphlets based on Yardsticks. These pamphlets provide information about children at each age.
Hope this helps, Soo. Please keep reading—and commenting.
—Chip
Hi Chip,
I am an elementary school counselor, and I am in process of creating a counseling website for our school parents this year. I noticed many parents wonder about their child’s social and emotional growth patters and I feel that your book could be a great resource them. In my website, I want to add social and emotional section of growth patters and behaviors from your book for quick reference for parents so they would have age appropriate behavior expectations. Therefore, I would really appreciate your permission to use small sections from your book, and I will certainly reference you, your book “Yardsticks”, and your website for the information on my website.
Thank you.
Soo
Henry -Fifth and Sixth graders do not need a lot of playground structures, you are right. They do still like swings, though and basketball hoops and even a constructed wooden wall or backboard for wall ball, etc. can be great. Painted four square and two square courts are essential. Cones and markers for creating game spaces for soccer etc. are also essential. yes, ultimate frisbee is also very popular, as well as Capture the Flag. I reccomend Curt Hinson’s http://www.playfiteducation.com as a wonderful source of ideas and a great workshop for your staff. Chip
Hello Chip,
I am the principal of a 5-6 Intermediate School. Our PTO wants to purchase playground equipment for our students. I have concerns about this. I feel that children this sage will benefit more from playing games and competing rather than swing sets and playground equipment you would fine at an elementary school. This money would be better spent on game sets such as Frisbee golf, Corn-toss Badminton, and other similar games. Could you please offer some guidance that can help me with what is best for children this age?
Henry Gilmore III
Thanks, Chip! It’s going much better now.
Several people have wanted more details about the “Birthday Cluster” exercise which is Appendix A in Yardsticks. Here are some excerpts that may be helpful.
Once you have your birthday list created, the next thing you’ll want to establish is the mode of the class–the place where most birthdays cluster, on any given date you pick –say on September 1st. You can count the birthdays (in Appendix A it is a fifth grade class) and find that the greatest number of children are at 10 years, 4 months, on September 1st (6 out of 21) with another 5 at 10 years, 5 months, on the same date. This means the birthday “cluster” in this classroom–which represents about half the children– is the mode and is somewhat older to start the year..
What do you do now?
Plan for a fifth grade class beginning the year with mostly 10-year-old developmental characteristics. Look back at the classroom implications for ten-year-olds. Think about your room arrangement and about the curriculum activities that will most engage this class as a whole. Think about potential problem areas, especially socially, for the much younger children in the classroom as well as the older.
Think about how the class will be different in the second half of the year when most (nearly three-fourths by March) will be exhibiting eleven-year-old developmental characteristics. You’ll need to adjust approaches to classroom organization, instruction, classroom responsibilities, homework, and many other areas by paying attention to shifting development. Teachers who do not pay attention to the developmental shifts within a given year often wonder why they have more trouble with a class in the second half of the year or may comment about how pleased they are with how much the children have grown under their tutelage. But more attention to changing their own practices according to developmental needs (based on the changing needs of the birthday cluster) can help any teacher make a little more progress with the class as a whole.
Consider the potential needs of the children on the younger and older ends of the spectrum and how you will accommodate them as you see how they fit in the mix of the classroom. Creating a histogram, or vertical bar graph, on September 1 and March, as shown in Figure 2 in Appendix A, can be a useful way to help you keep in mind the developmental needs of the class before you.
Julie – See my comment to another Julie on the “Getting Ready For School” post on the home page of my blog. You’ve taken the first step, now you have to find where most birthdays cluster and use some of my suggestions from there. Chip
Hi Chip,
I have just leveled my 2nd grade class by birthdays and the range is from 6 years and 9 months to 8 years and 3 months. There are currently 30 students in the class. What is the best way for me to group my students?
Any suggestions you can provide will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Chip for allowing me to share such a great resource! I will send a copy to RC!
Jessica
Jeanne – You can start with Temporary Rules or Rules Under Construction that you write up and post for the kids. You might say, “Here are a few rules I always use at the beginning of the school year before I’ve had a chance to hear about your hopes and dreams for learning this year and we can make some rules together that will be awesome enough to help make your hopes and dreams about learning come true!” (Or something like that ) For safety, Keep the Temp Rules few and simple.– Chip
Jessica – Go for it! Just give attribution as you said you would and send RC a copy if you can, Thanks, Chip
Hi, Chip!
I had the opportunity to participate in the Responsive Classroom School Wide Conference last month–what an amazing event! I attended your breakout session on using developmental strengths to guide instruction. I am a new principal this year and would love to use some excerpts from the materials you gave us on that day in my newsletter to parents. I would of course reference you and “Yardsticks,” but wanted to get permission to do so. I think adding some highlights from your book is a great means to engage parents and teachers in thinking developmentally about their children so that they can work together successfully. Please let me know your thoughts on this!
Sincerely,
Jessica
Chip,
I read and reread Rules in School each year before the the first day, but I’m still unsure of how to take care of behavior problems before we make up our own class rules. Can you give me any ideas?
Thanks,
Jeanne
Hi, Angela – What age children? And what are they doing at recess these days? Chip
I am curious about how to integrate recess more with curriculum. I’d like to set up more problem-solving situations for the children to explore on their free time.
Do you have suggestions? I appreciate the Responsive Classroom ideas on how to set up constructive, safe, recess time but I am hopeful to find a way that the children can practice skills of followership and leadership more independently. Suggestions?
Naomi – I left a response for you before going away for a conference only to discover on my return that it didn’t post. Hope you find this! My first suggestion is to have your principal and a group of you read RECOGNITION WITHOUT REWARDS which you can find on the Responsive Classroom website at their bookstore. This is a great resource for the issue your are rightly tackling.
As a principal in my last school I encouraged and reinforced the use of HAPPY MAIL which was handed out at All School Meetings to students chosen by teachers for their academic achievement, but also for courage. Courage awards were given to students for specifically identifiable acts of friendship, assistance and bravery that had been observed by teachers or other students such as standing up to acts of bullying for another student or talking to a whole class that was not following the rules for a substitute teacher or helping a classmate with their homework or helping them find a ride home one day. Parents and kids told me often how much it meant that someone was paying attention to hard work in subjects and citizenship. Happy Mail adorned refrigerators all over town and over the course of the year there wasn’t a child who didn’t receive recognition that was real and heartfelt. Chip
Recently at a Faculty Meeting my principal expressed that he would like to find more ways to recognize students accomplishments school wide. The only thing is it is always the honor roll students or straight A students being recognized. We also have 1 child each week that gets “terrific kid” from their teacher in each class. Just recently all the honor roll students got a special party with treats and bounce houses. Those kids earned it, but it was hard for the others that did not get to participate. It may make them work harder to achieve that, but I have some that work even harder and do not get the reward.
As a resource teacher, this gets frustrating, so I brought up the idea of recognition for behavior, citizenship, or effort. an attainable goal for our ESE population. He was all for it. Then he asked for my ideas. Well I think it should be something as spectacular, but I need ideas on how to decide who, and how the student would earn such recognition. My students are so individualized, I am thinking they would all have to have individualized goals. This would be an huge/time consuming task, so I was going to ask if you know of any ideas, or other schools, or if you could direct me to a site that could help me organize this. It is quite overwhelming, but I do not want it to pass us by when it is being offered. Thank you,
Barbara – Contact Allison@responsiveclassroom.org She can get you in conversation with people who can answer your questions. Best wishes, Chip
We are just beginning to launch the “responsive classroom” preK-3 district wide. Could you suggest an organized approach to address the social/ emotional development of students? In other words, what needs to be taught in what timeframe that would capture the teaching of feelings, decison making, etc.?
We are on the quarter system.
Thanks for these wise words, Chip. You’ve offered a way to let children know that their true beauty consists in who they are, not how they look, and that they are all beautiful to us because we love them for the unique people that they are. You also point the way to helping children understand that norms of external beauty are not only culturally conditioned but also changeable over time. As such, those norms are not really worth worrying about. The reflecting with children that you suggest would help them see that–as the old chestnut has it–true beauty comes from within, and it’s the inside beauty that we need to cultivate in ourselves and see in others.
And the same goes for material wealth–we can help children see that it’s not of much use if your heart and soul are sad, mean, or impoverished.
Elizabeth – What an important question! And, yes, such questions often have their source in children’s anxiety about self image. Young children play out their sense of beauty or good looks in their imaginative play of super heroes and heroines, princes and princesses ,,, of course that’s not all they are playing out, but it is a central subplot, at least. Even without media stereotypes of such images, children are constantly imaging themselves as they watch the significant adults or especially older siblings in their lives.
As a parent or grandparent I can answer the question you pose with an unequivocal “YES! to me you are.” because the child is beautiful in my eyes and I want them to know that. Note how children will sometimes say “I love you” to a parent or grandparent as a way of getting an “I love you, too!” response… I call this a “safety check” that relieves some current anxiety or perhaps guilt the child is carrying… quite normally.
As a teacher (but also as parent and grandparent) I want to let that question allow me to pose other questions for the child’s reflection …”I think you are beautiful because there is no one else like you in the world, what do you rhink about that?” and … “What do you think Barbie calls beautiful? (Or Disney in general? to an older child).” “What do you think other kids in your school call “good looking”? “Why do you think that?” “What would you say good looking inside might mean?”
I believe letting children explore the feelings behind their questions or safety checks helps them form deeper understanding about their self-image.
Chip, a few days ago I read that many more high school and college students (and I imagine younger children, too) are now suffering from anxiety and depression than did even just a few years ago. Some researchers think that one of the causes is our culture’s focus on externals, such as money (“you can never be too rich”) and physical appearance (“you can never be too thin”). I’m wondering how you might answer a child who asks, “Am I pretty (or beautiful or handsome or good looking)?”