Naomi – I left a response for you before going away for a conference only to discover on my return that it didn’t post. Hope you find this! My first suggestion is to have your principal and a group of you read RECOGNITION WITHOUT REWARDS which you can find on the Responsive Classroom website at their bookstore. This is a great resource for the issue your are rightly tackling.
As a principal in my last school I encouraged and reinforced the use of HAPPY MAIL which was handed out at All School Meetings to students chosen by teachers for their academic achievement, but also for courage. Courage awards were given to students for specifically identifiable acts of friendship, assistance and bravery that had been observed by teachers or other students such as standing up to acts of bullying for another student or talking to a whole class that was not following the rules for a substitute teacher or helping a classmate with their homework or helping them find a ride home one day. Parents and kids told me often how much it meant that someone was paying attention to hard work in subjects and citizenship. Happy Mail adorned refrigerators all over town and over the course of the year there wasn’t a child who didn’t receive recognition that was real and heartfelt. Chip
Recently at a Faculty Meeting my principal expressed that he would like to find more ways to recognize students accomplishments school wide. The only thing is it is always the honor roll students or straight A students being recognized. We also have 1 child each week that gets “terrific kid” from their teacher in each class. Just recently all the honor roll students got a special party with treats and bounce houses. Those kids earned it, but it was hard for the others that did not get to participate. It may make them work harder to achieve that, but I have some that work even harder and do not get the reward.
As a resource teacher, this gets frustrating, so I brought up the idea of recognition for behavior, citizenship, or effort. an attainable goal for our ESE population. He was all for it. Then he asked for my ideas. Well I think it should be something as spectacular, but I need ideas on how to decide who, and how the student would earn such recognition. My students are so individualized, I am thinking they would all have to have individualized goals. This would be an huge/time consuming task, so I was going to ask if you know of any ideas, or other schools, or if you could direct me to a site that could help me organize this. It is quite overwhelming, but I do not want it to pass us by when it is being offered. Thank you,
We are just beginning to launch the “responsive classroom” preK-3 district wide. Could you suggest an organized approach to address the social/ emotional development of students? In other words, what needs to be taught in what timeframe that would capture the teaching of feelings, decison making, etc.?
Thanks for these wise words, Chip. You’ve offered a way to let children know that their true beauty consists in who they are, not how they look, and that they are all beautiful to us because we love them for the unique people that they are. You also point the way to helping children understand that norms of external beauty are not only culturally conditioned but also changeable over time. As such, those norms are not really worth worrying about. The reflecting with children that you suggest would help them see that–as the old chestnut has it–true beauty comes from within, and it’s the inside beauty that we need to cultivate in ourselves and see in others.
And the same goes for material wealth–we can help children see that it’s not of much use if your heart and soul are sad, mean, or impoverished.
Elizabeth – What an important question! And, yes, such questions often have their source in children’s anxiety about self image. Young children play out their sense of beauty or good looks in their imaginative play of super heroes and heroines, princes and princesses ,,, of course that’s not all they are playing out, but it is a central subplot, at least. Even without media stereotypes of such images, children are constantly imaging themselves as they watch the significant adults or especially older siblings in their lives.
As a parent or grandparent I can answer the question you pose with an unequivocal “YES! to me you are.” because the child is beautiful in my eyes and I want them to know that. Note how children will sometimes say “I love you” to a parent or grandparent as a way of getting an “I love you, too!” response… I call this a “safety check” that relieves some current anxiety or perhaps guilt the child is carrying… quite normally.
As a teacher (but also as parent and grandparent) I want to let that question allow me to pose other questions for the child’s reflection …”I think you are beautiful because there is no one else like you in the world, what do you rhink about that?” and … “What do you think Barbie calls beautiful? (Or Disney in general? to an older child).” “What do you think other kids in your school call “good looking”? “Why do you think that?” “What would you say good looking inside might mean?”
I believe letting children explore the feelings behind their questions or safety checks helps them form deeper understanding about their self-image.
Chip, a few days ago I read that many more high school and college students (and I imagine younger children, too) are now suffering from anxiety and depression than did even just a few years ago. Some researchers think that one of the causes is our culture’s focus on externals, such as money (“you can never be too rich”) and physical appearance (“you can never be too thin”). I’m wondering how you might answer a child who asks, “Am I pretty (or beautiful or handsome or good looking)?”
Naomi – I left a response for you before going away for a conference only to discover on my return that it didn’t post. Hope you find this! My first suggestion is to have your principal and a group of you read RECOGNITION WITHOUT REWARDS which you can find on the Responsive Classroom website at their bookstore. This is a great resource for the issue your are rightly tackling.
As a principal in my last school I encouraged and reinforced the use of HAPPY MAIL which was handed out at All School Meetings to students chosen by teachers for their academic achievement, but also for courage. Courage awards were given to students for specifically identifiable acts of friendship, assistance and bravery that had been observed by teachers or other students such as standing up to acts of bullying for another student or talking to a whole class that was not following the rules for a substitute teacher or helping a classmate with their homework or helping them find a ride home one day. Parents and kids told me often how much it meant that someone was paying attention to hard work in subjects and citizenship. Happy Mail adorned refrigerators all over town and over the course of the year there wasn’t a child who didn’t receive recognition that was real and heartfelt. Chip
Recently at a Faculty Meeting my principal expressed that he would like to find more ways to recognize students accomplishments school wide. The only thing is it is always the honor roll students or straight A students being recognized. We also have 1 child each week that gets “terrific kid” from their teacher in each class. Just recently all the honor roll students got a special party with treats and bounce houses. Those kids earned it, but it was hard for the others that did not get to participate. It may make them work harder to achieve that, but I have some that work even harder and do not get the reward.
As a resource teacher, this gets frustrating, so I brought up the idea of recognition for behavior, citizenship, or effort. an attainable goal for our ESE population. He was all for it. Then he asked for my ideas. Well I think it should be something as spectacular, but I need ideas on how to decide who, and how the student would earn such recognition. My students are so individualized, I am thinking they would all have to have individualized goals. This would be an huge/time consuming task, so I was going to ask if you know of any ideas, or other schools, or if you could direct me to a site that could help me organize this. It is quite overwhelming, but I do not want it to pass us by when it is being offered. Thank you,
Barbara – Contact Allison@responsiveclassroom.org She can get you in conversation with people who can answer your questions. Best wishes, Chip
We are just beginning to launch the “responsive classroom” preK-3 district wide. Could you suggest an organized approach to address the social/ emotional development of students? In other words, what needs to be taught in what timeframe that would capture the teaching of feelings, decison making, etc.?
We are on the quarter system.
Thanks for these wise words, Chip. You’ve offered a way to let children know that their true beauty consists in who they are, not how they look, and that they are all beautiful to us because we love them for the unique people that they are. You also point the way to helping children understand that norms of external beauty are not only culturally conditioned but also changeable over time. As such, those norms are not really worth worrying about. The reflecting with children that you suggest would help them see that–as the old chestnut has it–true beauty comes from within, and it’s the inside beauty that we need to cultivate in ourselves and see in others.
And the same goes for material wealth–we can help children see that it’s not of much use if your heart and soul are sad, mean, or impoverished.
Elizabeth – What an important question! And, yes, such questions often have their source in children’s anxiety about self image. Young children play out their sense of beauty or good looks in their imaginative play of super heroes and heroines, princes and princesses ,,, of course that’s not all they are playing out, but it is a central subplot, at least. Even without media stereotypes of such images, children are constantly imaging themselves as they watch the significant adults or especially older siblings in their lives.
As a parent or grandparent I can answer the question you pose with an unequivocal “YES! to me you are.” because the child is beautiful in my eyes and I want them to know that. Note how children will sometimes say “I love you” to a parent or grandparent as a way of getting an “I love you, too!” response… I call this a “safety check” that relieves some current anxiety or perhaps guilt the child is carrying… quite normally.
As a teacher (but also as parent and grandparent) I want to let that question allow me to pose other questions for the child’s reflection …”I think you are beautiful because there is no one else like you in the world, what do you rhink about that?” and … “What do you think Barbie calls beautiful? (Or Disney in general? to an older child).” “What do you think other kids in your school call “good looking”? “Why do you think that?” “What would you say good looking inside might mean?”
I believe letting children explore the feelings behind their questions or safety checks helps them form deeper understanding about their self-image.
Chip, a few days ago I read that many more high school and college students (and I imagine younger children, too) are now suffering from anxiety and depression than did even just a few years ago. Some researchers think that one of the causes is our culture’s focus on externals, such as money (“you can never be too rich”) and physical appearance (“you can never be too thin”). I’m wondering how you might answer a child who asks, “Am I pretty (or beautiful or handsome or good looking)?”