In my entries about children’s positive attributes, you can find details about the kinds of strengths children seem to display at different ages and stages of their development. No two children are the same, of course, and each will gravitate to different interests at the same ages because different things excite different children, energize them, engage and enlighten them. and make them feel strong. Noticing and asking about these interests helps children feel validated in their choice making.

Some children persevere with interests because the more they stay engaged with them the stronger they feel. Other children move often from interest to interest until they settle on something they recognize as making them feel strong.

A remarkable author has helped me to understand that a child’s strengths are not the same thing as their abilities or skillfulness in a particular area. Jennifer Fox has written a powerful book titled How to Discover and Develop Your Child’s Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers The first two sections of the book build an understanding of how our educational system and parenting penchants and inclinations tend to focus on a deficit model of thinking and learning. We can become consumed with what our children do not know and cannot do. We then try to fill what we perceive as a void with extra tutoring help, specialized athletic camps and coaching, extracurricular activities and counseling. Fox calls this way of looking at children “The Weakness Habit.”

“…whether your approach to life is positive will have a great effect on your children’s ability to put the strengths they discover to work in the real world,” says Fox. She writes, “Remember, strengths are not talents or skills, or what your children are good at. All those things are open to evaluation and criticism. Strengths are far more personal—they are the activities that make someone feel strong.” This she calls “A Strength Awakening.”

The last section of the book is an actual workbook in which you can do specific activities as a way of exploring strengths with your child. An extensive appendix also looks at Fox’s own work as an educator and explores a strength-based approach she developed known as “The Affinities Program.” She’s implemented this program at the Purcell School in Pottersville, New Jersey, since 2003.

This book is both challenging and affirming. It will make you question a lot of your parenting assumptions and practices and give you lots of ideas for communicating with and supporting your child.