It’s sort of a trial balloon to see if there’s enough interest to establish a dedicated parent page on the blog—one where we could have sections for various ages or topics of special interest to parents.
Here are some concerns parents often ask about. Are any of these ones you might want to explore with me and other blog readers? Feel free to post a comment or a question and we’ll begin a dialogue!
—I’m seeing this behavior. Is this normal for this age?
—What can I do if my child is having trouble with…?
Bedtime
Homework
Friendships
Siblings
Chores
Eating
Sleeping
Technology time
Other things
—What can I do if my child is getting in trouble at school?
—What can I do if my child is bored at school?
—What can I do if …?
The more detail you can give about your situation, the more helpful the exchange is likely to be. If, however, you have a concern that needs more confidential advice, please contact your pediatrician or a school counselor or social worker. They are there to help you.
I hope this page will generate lots of useful feedback for parent readers!
After November, I’ll continue posting entries of general interest to parents, teachers, and other readers. If there are teachers out there with particular child development issues you’d like to explore, please let me know about these as well.
Ask Chip a question or share your own thoughts!
—If you’re reading this entry on the blog site,
click “Post a Comment” or the word “Comments” below the entry
—If you’re reading this entry from your email,
click “Yardsticks” to go to the blog site.
Then click “Post a Comment” or the word “Comments”
below the entry.
Categories: 
Tags: 
Dear Lori – What you shared about your almost six year old daughter sounds age appropriate and your reassurance is what she would seem to be seeking. If you’d like to discusee this further, please email elizabeth@responsiveclassroom.org and she will put us in touch. Thank you, Chip
My almost 6 year old daughter has recently begun to become aware of her internal thoughts. She becomes guilty for any negative thoughts and will take me or my spouse aside and whisper to us that she “accidentally” thought something bad like “I accidentally thought so and so was ugly”. She wants absolution from us for thinking these things. My spouse and I reassure her that any and all thoughts are okay and that they are completely normal. It happens a number of times a day and we reiterate the same thing to her but it still continues to come up. Is this normal for her age? It seems a little young to me. Should we be concerned?
Thank you, Diana and Chip! My cup runneth over. What wonderful book recommendations!
Dear Amanda: First, thanks to Diane for her link. Here’s another http://www.splcenter.org – where you can get info from Teaching Tolerance Magazine, a good source for your concern.
As a parent of bi-racial children and grandchildren myself, your concern is of keen interest to me. The chapter in Nurtureshock raises more questions than answers unfortunately, but reminds us that we have to provide lots of diverse experience for our children if we want them to develop multiple perspectives.
My daughter’s favorite children’s book from her own childhood is “Black is Brown is Tan” by Arnold Adolph (Harper & Row 1973) which i think is out of print, but worth finding in a library. Another book she loves is “The Colors of Us” by Karen Katz (Henry Holt, 1999). I also like bell hooks’ book, “Skin Again” (Hyperion Books, 2004.) Hope this is helpful – Chip
Amanda,
This is not my blog, but I think I can help you. Go to the following website:
http://www.teachingforchange.org/
Then go to Professional Development and click on the Early Childhood Equity Initative. You will then see a link of recommended books on race, culture, social justice for young children.
Hope this helps,
Diana
Hi Chip:
I have been reading Nurtureshock, and have just started the chapter about talking about race and skin color with children. My 3 year old attends a predominently white preschool, however there are some children of color. I have talked to her about differences in skin color, faces, hair, likes and dislikes. . .I want to discuss more about the differences that she notices in her environment and in other kids at her school and her neighborhood, so that she knows that we can acknowledge differences and that being “different” is what makes us who we are. We can belong and find things in common with many different groups based on background, likes and dislikes, personality, games we like to play, etc. Can you recommend any good children’s books that can help me begin some age-appropriate discussions about exporing and celebrating diversity? Do you know of any good stories that can help open a window for her (and me), so that she can see things from another point of view – how families (different from our own)live, laugh(or cry)play and love? I’d appreciate any recommendations that you can give.
Dear Gretchen – Since it may be a couple of days since your five your old told you about his sadness and understanding that you and your husband “would die when he got older”, I imagine you found a loving way to comfort him in the moment. While you are wondering about how you handled it or will handle it when the subject comes up again, remember that five year olds are very literal and appreciate brief, straight-forward answers.
Your response, of course, has alot to do with your and your husband’s religious, spiritual or philosophical views and how you want your child to think about the end of life. But learning about the cycle of life and death is something that all children are curious about and need help with, hopefully before they experience a personal loss.
Two books I recommend are:
Waterbugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney
When Dinosuars Die: A Guide To Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
Hope this is helpful. Chip
My five year old son woke up in the middle of the night and said he was sad because my husband and I were going to die when he got older. I remember when I understaood this reality when I was young and how scary it seemed to me. I tried to think of what to say that would be honest but not too scary or too much information. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what a parent can say when confronted with this fear from their young child.
Dear Michelle,
Because you say the girls have always been afraid to be on their own in a room at home, it sounds like the dominant factor here may well be their twinship,as you suggest.Also, though, at age seven children tend to be more cautious and protective than they were at six or will be at eight. So this may be at work too.
Have you tried playing hide and seek with the girls in the house? Sometimes this game is an early and fun way to experience “being alone” for a short time in the house. The opposite of hide and seek is a game “sardines” where one person hides and when they are found by someone else that someone else hides with them til everyone in the family (or whoever is playing the game) is “hiding” in the same place. This is fun for children and gives the one who is “it” a chance to be alone briefly and then giggling with their buddy while waiting to be “found some more”.
I was wondering how they do if each girl has a friend over? Are the twins then able to play apart? This may be a step to explore. Chip
Thank you for your thoughtful question, Gretchen. It sounds like your son is exploring the world of friendship in the way that many children do, one friend at a time. His approach in Kindergarten is, of course, based on his experiences with friends outside of school and in any previous preschool or child care settings as well. In Kindergarten he will have lots of opportunity, not only to meet many other children, but to see how other children make friends and play with more than one child at a time. This is a key part of his learning in Kindergarten. One way to approach your question with him would be to ask him what games he plays at school and who are some of the children who play the games with him. This may elicit a response about more than one child. Also, seeing other children as “mean” in Kindergarten can be a way of saying “they won’t play with me right away”. However, if you sense your child might be being bullied in any way, be sure to address this with your child’s teacher. My sense from your questions is that your son will become more comfortable making friends and being a friend as the Kindergarten year progresses.
My daughters (twins age 7) have always been afraid to be alone in a room in our house. They are afraid to go into the bathroom alone, for example. They get upset when one leaves the other in their bedroom (regardless of who leaves whom). I’ve wondered if this is part of twinship, or perhaps a power game, or if it is common for children this age to be afraid of being alone. How can I encourage them to face their fears and maybe even realize alone-time can be a relaxing and pleasant event?
I have a five year old son who is a single child. He loves playing with other children but I notice that he tends to find one friend and want to stick with that child. In his kindergarten class this has happened and when I try to talk with him about the other kids, he says they are all “mean.” When I ask him to tell me what that looks like he gets vague. Outside school, if we are playing with two other children, he tends to get possessive over one of them and exclude the other.
My question is, should I honor his preference to have one friend at a time, while helping him in those circumstances when there is more than one child or should I actively try to encourage him to have more friends by challenging him to play with many kids at school and setting up more circumstances when he can practice with a few children at a time?