As parents and as teachers, we’re especially aware as a new school year starts of the importance of the teacher-student relationship. It’s at the forefront of our children’s minds, too: ”Who will be my new teacher?” they ask. “Will my teacher be strict? Will she like me?”
How shall we answer these questions? Or, more importantly, how shall we translate them?
The Most Powerful Relationship: Cognitive Bonding
We tend to focus, sometimes overly so, on the social-emotional aspects of the teacher-student relationship. Yes, as parents, we want a kind and friendly teacher for our child, and as teachers, we certainly want to be kind and friendly to our students. But an even more powerful element lies hidden in the air of every empty classroom right about now. This element, which I call “cognitive bonding,” is like electricity, and it’s just waiting for the switch to be thrown between teacher and student.
Cognitive bonding is the real attunement that develops between a student and a teacher through intellectual and academic interest and excitement. Young, fresh, open minds meet an experienced, knowledgeable teacher full of information and able to listen and to be enthralled by students’ ideas and intellectual interests. Inevitably, sparks start to fly. Those sparks, that bonding, make all the difference in the world when it comes to the year-long relationships about to begin between each student and his or her teacher.
Beyond Being Liked to Being Known
Being liked is certainly very important to children, just as it is to adults. But, like adults, children immediately sense the difference between just being liked and being known. Children feel known at school when their teachers understand and acknowledge what excites and interests them.
Teachers with that kind of connection to the children they teach can challenge the children intellectually and hold them appropriately accountable for their learning in a secure and cooperative classroom community. The result? Children rise to the challenge in their individual schoolwork and their life in the micro-democracy in which they learn each day.
This electrifying intellectual climate is the best gift of schooling and the key relationship to keep in mind for our children and teachers as the new school year begins.
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To Nori – September 28, 2008
Has your principal been in to talk to your class? If not, it seems essential to me, also that the principal come to a parent meeting with your class parents to enlist their support in understanding that you are coming back recuperating from major surgery and need their support as you build clear classroom rules and consequences for misbehavior that will be supported by the principal’s office and parents so that the children’s and your attention can be devoted to learning.
There needs to be vigilence and heightened attention from administration as you take the reigns of your class. The children, as they test the waters to see if you are boss, need to see that not only are you in charge, but their parents and the principal are backing you up and they will follow the rules or face consequences that are part of the district’s discipline code. The majority of children in the room who are ready and eager to have you tesching them every day deserve no less. Chip
Hi Chip – I wanted to report in on how the first week of school is going for me. It is actually the 5th week of school as you know and my 6 and 7 year olds are creatures of some very trying habits. A kindergarten teacher stopped me in the hall tonight and said – Nori – that year was the most difficult teaching year for me. I had ____ and ____ and ___ in the same class and recommended they never be together again. Of course, I have all three and 3 more that are extremely needy. This week, we created rules together, and named our class.This week, two children have been to the principal for strangling a child and today, one of those children was sent to the principal for spitting in the face of a little girl. The parents of this child are angry that we are keeping him from recess (since he is so unsuccessful there) they do not understand why we did that. My plan is to go out to recess with him next week until he can begin going out on his own. The noise level is way too high, yelling across the classroom is common, getting up and walking around is common, talking when others are speaking, and on and on and on. I started teaching on Tuesday. We learned the handshake greeting, talked about why we use a firm handshake, eye contact etc. implemented the Gathering procedures; call roll, flag salute, song, greeting, sharing, calendar. We began writing rules for our class. Wednesday, we did all of the above and decided on the rules. It was a mini day – the kids left at noon for planning. Today, Thursday, we learned the Cookie Jar greeting, completed our rules, did guided experimenting with chalk and black paper and went to the library. I napped during PE time (I had 1/3 of my lung removed this summer – a rare tumor – and it has only been 8 weeks – I am exhausted) there were moments of ahhhhhh. But too many times during the day I was absolutely overwhelmed by their misbehavior. I received a very angry phone call from the mom whose son spits on people – I responded by explaining to her how 7′s need and love their routine and his has been interrupted. But the 27 discipline slips he received before I came to school go unexplained…I really need help with this – I am just not feeling physically up to battling with these parents. How can I deal with this and what responsibility does my principal have in helping me? Also – what books can you recommend to me to help me make this year successful for the children that are so so difficult? And, how do I maintain my health in such a stressful situation?
Dear Nori – Well… You have a lot to consider, given the circumstances of policy in your district. I’m glad you are communicating with your second graders and getting them to write to you. A perfect idea. Thinking about seven, you’ll remember that they will also have bonded with their guest teacher in the short time they have been with her. I hope the district will allow a day or two of overlap for transition and goodbyes for her (the hand-off of the baton). The administrators should know that two more days of sub pay will pay off for this class in long-term adjustment academically and socially over the course of the year. Remember, too, with sevens that the key word, of course, is ROUTINE. How much they love it! Each having a job on the job chart. Each knowing the schedule and where their journal goes, etc, etc. And all I can already tell about you as a teacher from your phrase “Naming the Class” that lets me know they will be building tradition from Day One …well Day Whatever (smile). Happy return! Keep us posted. Chip
Hi Chip – Thanks for you thoughtful comments and suggestions. Interestingly, my principal/district will not allow me to be on campus at all while out on sick leave. I was planning to do many mini visits but was not allowed to come to Back to School Night either – amazing but true. I thought that would have helped the transition and I was very willing but, no. I did email each one of my kids this am and asked them to write to me about themselves; what they like about school, favorite things etc. I have 20 students, 9 girls and ll boys. Their ages range from 6.8 in Aug to 7.10. I think a picture is also a terrific idea and will deliver that tonight when I sneak into my room! I agree completely that I need to keep the curriculum going and will work in RC. Loved your idea about the next leg of the race – that fits perfectly – I will take that and run! I am getting excited just thinking about being back in the classroom and it will be my first day of school – they’ll be old hats. can’t wait to build the rules together, name our class, teach the procedures etc. etc. Since I missed the workshop this summer – (I am hoping you will be planning another here on the west coast – I have been waiting for years!!!!) I will be the first to sign up and if not – I will have to spend a week on the east coast! Thanks again – any more ideas would be appreciated. Nori
Nori – First, Thank you for sharing your story of bravery and blessing. To advise you, as you so rightly put it “to tread lightly. of course” on how to enter back in, you’ll need to tell me a little more. What grade do you teach? How many children? How many girls? Boys? If you’re not back already, you might start by sending a letter and a picture; going by for a visit before you begin to tell them about yourself at a meeting at the end of the day, coming in for short periods just to get to know kids before you have your first whole day and having a parent evening meeting as well to talk to your parents. They probably will want to know about your classroom approaches and will be happy to meet you! I think it will be important to keep the academics going strong as you introduce all RC practices; sort of like you are the second leg in a relay race, making sure you have the baton and then it’s your race to run – your classroom to build without skipping too much of a beat with their academic expectations. Hope this helps. Tell me more if you wish. Chip
Hi Chip – I could really use your advice. I was all signed up to go to my second RC training in Napa this summer when it was discovered that I needed to have extensive lung surgery for a malignant tumor. The tumor is out, lymph nodes all clear – a miracle! I am ready to go to work. The problem is that my class started school 1 month ago – without me. I have been trying to plan how to begin – I will tread lightly of course. My guest teacher has no experience with RC but is doing her best! I know that I need the first six weeks to build a community, know my kids and build the rules together, etc. Would you have any suggestions for me as I begin this journey of interrupting what has begun without disrupting?? Thanks – Nori